Finding Calm In Chaos

Written By Mital Patel

Finding calm in chaos is one of the most stressful and biggest challenges in parenting. When our emotions take over, we lose self control. We forget how to be mindful of our actions in front of our children and we lose our ability to self regulate.

But guess what? There is a way for us to control our emotions. There is a solution to the problem. That is to learn how to catch the triggers before we even spiral out of control.

Conscious Parenting

Before we discuss the triggers, we have to know what conscious parenting is. Conscious parenting is being mindful of our behavior. It’s about being self aware and to love and accept oneself. As a result, we can integrate this to our children. 

Knowing the triggers make us conscious of our actions. And before we even lose control, we get to pass through them. So, what are these triggers? Let’s go through 5 reflective questions that can help us find the root problem. 

Question 1: What Are My Triggers?

Triggers are auto responses to changes that result in an uncontrolled emotional state. These are the common reasons that cause us to get angry. It could be things that our kids, or our significant other do that annoys us, makes us angry. By identifying these things, we become self aware and realize that our relationship with our loved ones are more important than the burst of anger we feel toward them. 

Question 2: When Am I Prone To Being Triggered?

Identifying when you are prone to being triggered helps you to go back to a state of calm, a state of mindfulness. And knowing these moments help you to find ways to calm down. You can meditate, go out to breathe, or whatever it is that you’re accustomed to doing when you’re feeling stressed. 


Question 3: What Are My Recurring Thoughts, Memories Or Feelings That Surface When I Feel Triggered?

This could mean going back to your childhood. It could be how we were raised by our parents. Their parenting style, how they disciplined us, influences how we raise our kids too. So if our parents got triggered when we cried as kids, it probably triggers us too as a parent now, when our kids cry.

Question 4: Do I Take Care Of Myself In A Committed Way?

When we have kids, we become so busy with work and taking care of them. Life becomes so complex and stress just follows. As a result we neglect ourselves. And because we’ve neglected us, we’re not happy, we don’t feel ourselves anymore. That is why we need to commit to taking care of ourselves too. It is just like the saying, You need to love yourself first before you can truly love others.

Question 5: Do I Have Any Rituals That Fill Me With Love And Connection?

Rituals are the small things we do to reconnect with ourselves and the people around us. It could be time alone, enjoying a cup of tea, doing yoga, or reading. Or it could also be a play time with our kids or a date time with our loved one. Or my favorite ones are setting loving boundaries, saying no, self-acceptance. These are the things we do regularly that fill us with love and connection. These might be small things, but these are actually the big things.

Conclusion

As humans we are not perfect. We make mistakes, we get triggered. But as parents, we have a choice. A choice to be mindful, a choice to be self aware, and a choice to be conscious. Let us reflect on these 5 questions. Ask yourself, reflect, write it in a journal. By doing so, it will not only help you identify and avoid the triggers, but it can make you better at parenting too.

For more conscious parenting tips: 

Mital Patel
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