The Importance Of Modeling Appropriate Behavior To Our Children
Parenting is hard, especially trying to be patient with the little versions of us, our kids. In this episode, I would like to share with you a perspective I’ve learned in modelling appropriate behavior to our children.
Children Learn What They Live
Children are great imitators. They fully rely on their parents for physical, mental, financial, and emotional needs. And modeling good character or appropriate behavior is part of it. I learned that children learn more from what you are, than what you teach. That’s why being a good role model is important.
I love what Dr. Laura Markham said, ‘Children learn what they live’. Basically, it's not about what we teach them, or it's not about what we tell them to do. But rather, it's about what we show them. It’s how we act in front of them, that they learn from.
Conscious Parenting
Conscious parenting is all about being conscious of our behavior in front of our children. Essentially, it’s a parent-centric parenting approach. The focus is always on the parents, rather than the child’s behaviour. Instead of focusing on a child’s behavior, we focus on our behavior, on how we act.
Moreover, kids can sense our energy and can easily pick up on non-verbal cues. They can see through our facial expressions and tone of voice. That’s why we have to be in control of our behavior.
We also Need to Apologize
However, we are also humans. We make mistakes. There would be times we get overwhelmed with our emotions and end up yelling or screaming at them. This is when we should learn to let go of our ego, and apologize to them.
It is very important because it shows humility. And it also shows them that it’s okay to make mistakes, so long as you acknowledge your mistake and learn to apologize.
How to Deal with Anger
How do we blow off steam and avoid our kids from seeing negative behavior from us? There are many ways to calm down or deal with frustrations. We can go to a separate room, lay down for a while until we’re relaxed, we can talk to a friend just to let out our emotions, or we can go outside to breathe fresh air.
However, there would be instances that our kids need to see these moments of weakness too. Seeing us cry, take deep breaths, laugh out loud are responses they need in life to adapt with stress. So when they grow up, they will discover that all these are normal. We are allowed to feel all these emotions, and it’s all part of life. What we need to avoid is the negative responses like yelling, but we can and still need to embrace the vulnerability of our human emotions.
Practicing Mindfulness
Modeling appropriate behavior starts with being mindful. If we are mindful of our actions we are sure to express good behavior in front of our kids. And when emotions are spiralling out of our control, we need to learn to catch the triggers. It’s all about self regulation, which I’ll share with you in another episode.
Children are great imitators. The character or attitude of a child is a mirror of what their parents are like. As parents, it is our responsibility to instill appropriate or good behavior in them. That they may tread through life equipped with the right mindset and be the best version of themselves too when it’s their time to become parents.