Five Key Steps To Connect With Your Child During Conflicts
How hard is it to respond in a heated moment? Today, I wanted to share with you five key steps that you can use in order for you to connect with your child during conflicts. These five steps are also applicable not only to kids but also to your other relationships. And this is a foundation that we use in coaching.
In this episode, as I share with you the five key key steps to connect with your child during conflicts, my goal is to share with you steps that have been tried and tested. But before you apply these steps, make sure to self-regulate your emotions. You need to connect with yourself, before you can connect with your kids.
Being Aware Of Your Child’s Emotion
Children need understanding, and when there is a conflict that’s when they need you the most. To do this we need to be empathetic, we need to be aware of their emotions, we need to listen deeply, and listen to the cues they’re trying to tell us. Younger kids can’t verbalize how they feel, but they can communicate to us through their actions.
Recognizing The Emotion As An Opportunity For Connection And Guidance
Once you know what your child is feeling, recognize this as an opportunity for guidance and connection. In Chinese, the diagram opportunity equals crisis. It’s about taking a crisis as an opportunity. How do you do this? By reminding yourself that whatever behavior your child is showing has nothing to do with you, but take it as an opportunity to connect and guide your child further.
Listening Empathetically And Validating The Child's Feelings
When I say listening empathetically, I mean to tune into your child's emotion. And for which you will require to pay attention to your child's body language, his or her facial expressions, and gestures. And when the child can’t verbally describe how he feels, you as a parent can ask questions that may validate what he’s going through. It all comes down to being intuitive with your child's needs.
Helping The Child Verbally Label Emotions
It's important for children to identify and label their emotions, so that they don't get attached and they don't label themselves and they label their emotions. Younger children don't have the capacity to identify or verbalize how they feel. Our role is to help them understand and link how they feel to a particular emotion.
Studies have indicated that the act of labeling emotions can have a soothing effect on their nervous system, because they know what the emotion is and are not confused as to what they feel.
Setting limits While Helping The Child Problem Solve
The last action is helping your child to solve the problem. Once you’ve listened, understood, and helped them label their emotion, it is now time to help them find solutions. But to do this, we must teach our children how to solve their own problems. We want them to be available and be emotionally intelligent.
How do you do this? Be honest and straightforward. You can say their feelings and emotions are valid, but at the same time, tell them that the inappropriate behaviors are not acceptable. Set limits, but be sure you do it lovingly.
Conclusion
Conflicts are unavoidable, even with our kids. As parents, it is our responsibility to guide our children, and through conscious parenting, we are able to do that. These five steps can help you connect with your child during conflicts.
In parenting, or in any relationship, the way we respond depends on how we have it all together. It's about us maintaining our emotions, it's about us controlling our reactions. Instead of reacting, we need to self-regulate our emotions first.