How Do We Protect Our Children?

Last week’s news was sad and shocking to everyone, especially parents and children. It was devastating and tragic and has brought fear to many.

In this episode, I just want to share my perspective, my conversation with my son, and how confidence plays a huge role in how we raise our kids and how it affects them. As parents, it is our role to guide them, listen to them, and provide a safe space for them. How we raise them determines who they become in the future.

Confidence

When I asked my son what his thoughts are about the incident, he said it was all about confidence. He's like all these things that happen, that’s affecting the majority of the people around us negatively or people getting hurt is because someone wants to feel confident. And they’re not getting that regularly. 

And that is so true. We all want to feel powerful in some way, including kids. When their need of being autonomous is not met, it begins to pile up and accumulates where they feel like they don't have any power. They lose a sense of power and try to use that power in other ways, in negative ways. This could show up as sibling rivalry, fights with friends at school, bullying, or it could even lead to a much worse situation, like the incident last week.

Knowing The Root Cause

The behavior shown by the perpetrator was just the tip of the iceberg, but what pushed him to do such violence? I believe that the root cause of these disasters is that we shouldn’t be giving access to guns or weapons. There should be laws in place to prevent these to happen. Laws have to be stricter.

However, again, that is just the tip of the iceberg. What’s happening inside or knowing the root cause is what we need to address. Like me, I have boys in the house and I noticed that boys sometimes don’t get to show their emotions. Just because they’re boys, they get to hear things, “be a man or you can't cry out like a girl”. Our society has set it up this way and it's disappointing that it's still happening.

What We Can Do

We don’t have control over the laws but we have control of our homes. As parents, I believe we are the leaders and the caregivers of our children. It is our responsibility as parents to educate our children and nurture them. But most importantly, we also need to meet our children where they are. 

We are all humans and we have this innate need of being seen, being heard, being valued, being loved, and being cared for. And these are the needs we have to show our children. I believe it's better to build a stronger childhood than repair a broken adulthood.

Our home should be a safe place for our children. We need to support them and guide them. We don’t have to jump in and solve their problems for them, but we have to make sure they know that we support them. Make sure they're feeling seen, heard, nurtured, and that they will always have a safe space, and that space is you.

Practice Listening

I have this one-on-one time with my children, where I focus on just listening to them, whether they want to tell me their stories about their days, or they want to tell me about a book they're reading, or the frustration they're going through, whatever they want to tell. For five minutes, 10 minutes, whatever I can spare. It’s about me listening to them, not interrupting them, just listening, listening to hear them out. This way, they get to release their thoughts and their emotions in a non-judgmental environment. 

Only we know our children better, nobody else knows your child better than you. Listen to your children, spend time with them, and be their safe space.