What Should You Do When You Feel Triggered?

Do you ever feel triggered by your kids' behaviors or by something someone said to you? I know I certainly do. And what can we do when we feel triggered? Wouldn't it be wonderful if someone could just give us a magic pill that solved what to do when we feel triggered?  

There's no magic pill, but fortunately, there are some steps that we can take to prepare for the inevitable triggers of panic. There are ways to prevent triggers and practice we can do to face these challenges instead of running away from these challenges.

In this episode, I would like to share with you what you can do when you feel triggered. How to be proactive and practices you can do to avoid triggers for you and your child.

The Truth Behind Triggers

There's this truth behind triggers that we need to understand. Triggers aren't our enemy, they give us clues to essential stories about ourselves that we need to understand.  

What is it that gets totally under your skin and gets you triggered? Now, this is a practice that I learned from Dr. Becky Kennedy, she says that when we feel triggered, we need to take a deep breath and do an experiment. First, we need to acknowledge that no, my child cannot be this way. My child has to learn what is appropriate.

Then we need to notice our feelings and notice our thoughts about our child. We can reset by taking a few breaths. There are so many ways that we can respond to triggers but today I want to share what to do when you feel triggered.

Be Calm And Be Proactive

We all know our children are the mirrors that we need to heal. So how can we find that calm when we are losing our cool? Finding our calm is not easy. It's easy to say it, but it's much harder to practice. And that's why being proactive is what's going to help us.  

Being proactive is the magic pill.  Being proactive about prioritizing self-care while committing to bringing awareness to high tension situations or in the heat of the moment. When we lose our cool, we need to reset by taking deep breaths, holding our breaths in, and then slowly releasing them to a count of 10, whatever works. This will help your nervous system to calm down, which in turn helps us deescalate our responses. We will be better equipped to respond instead of reacting.

The Impact Of Our Childhood Environment

The childhood environment determines our present personalities. So the reason we react is that it's in our subconscious mind, which is formed in the first seven years of our life, that reaction is in the heat of the moment. Our childhood environment determines our present personalities. And we want to make sure that we don't create similar childhood environments for our children because that is going to carry you along and you might dump your emotional packages on your kid's shoulder. These are all generational behaviors and patterns. You don’t usually notice it but you might want to make sure that you should be proactive about it.

Three Practices To Avoid Triggers

First, practice simple meditation. Meditation may seem scary and impossible to do for us parents but you shouldn’t be. Meditation means giving yourself some quiet time to breathe and focus on your breath just to clear out the brain fog, just to clear out the traffic jam that we have in our head. Then you can gradually increase it to 15, 20, or 30 minutes, whatever works for you. It will give you clarity and help you respond better. 

 Second, practice gratitude. It reminds us that we are a part of something bigger than ourselves. It reminds us that we have no power to make the choices every day. it reminds us that we are should be grateful to be parents of our children. And it reminds us that our children are gifts to us. When we model gratitude and humbleness to our children, we are modeling self-love to our children. 

Third, practice listening. I have this one-on-one time with my children, where I focus on just listening to them, whether they want to tell me their stories about their days, or they want to tell me a book they're reading or the frustrations they're going through. For 5 minutes or 10 minutes, whatever I can spare, is just about me listening to them, not interrupting them, and just creating these building blocks with my kids.

We all know what to do better because we’re the only ones who know what happens in our homes. Only we know ourselves better, only we know our children better. And these are some of the ways we can be proactive. These are some of my favorite practices that you can practice without costing you a dime. And these are some of the things that will help you eventually how to handle the triggers better for you and your child.