4 Levels Of Love - Take Care Of Yourself For Your Kids

Do you ever feel like children have been put on this planet just to test our patience? If so, you are not alone. Although we know that screaming at our children might make us feel good in the short term, it doesn't do any good for us or our children in the long term.

What should you be doing instead? 

In today’s episode, we learn that it is all in the mindset and self-love. One important thing that we need to realize is that parenting is not all about our children. It should also be about us parents as well. By bringing our needs and our desires back into the game, you won't just feel better but your relationship with our children gets better too.

A game changer in parenting

Taking care of our needs and our desires has a direct connection with our kids. If we strive for our betterment as people, it has a direct connection to how to be a better parent. 

Answer this question to yourself; who is the most important person to you? You can have a big list of people but none of the answers are correct because it has to be only you. You have to be the most important person to yourself. You have to be the best parent you can be by loving yourself. 

The reality is that you can't take care of your family if you're unable to take care of yourself first.

Our favorite analogies

I love the following analogies and I know we have all heard this many times before. But it has been ingrained in us. Think about those oxygen masks in the plane. You need to secure your mask before you can help those around you. 

Another analogy takes it to another level which is paycheck versus bonuses. We all love bonuses but we cannot live off just bonuses. They only come once a year at most so we have to focus on getting a consistent paycheck. Similarly, self-love should be like a paycheck. It's what gets us going into loving ourselves. You cannot live off of somebody else's love for you or a bonus. It has to start from within. It has to be that consistent care and consistent love from yourself.

The 4 Levels Of Love

To illustrate this point, I want to explain the 4 levels of love. I read about this 12th-century work by Bernard of Clairvaux, a French Monk who talks about these levels of love. I thought his work was just fascinating to share. You won’t think about love the same way.

Level 1

This level is about loving yourself for your benefit. 

Level 2

The second level is about loving others for your benefit. 

Level 3

Level three is about loving another for their benefit, which is an extreme level of selflessness. 

Level 4

And level four is about loving yourself for the benefit of others. 

All of these levels of love work towards what we want to strive for as a parent. We want to care for our health and love ourselves so that our children can benefit.

Key Takeaway

We always want our kids to love themselves so they don't have to strive to find it externally. We would want our kids to find joy and love from within. It's all about self-worth and happiness from within. This will allow us to give our children the stable and loving relationship that they need. 

In summary, it is not necessary to wait for validation or wait for love to come from somebody else. When you love yourself, when you take care of yourself, when you take care of your needs and desires and dreams, you can self-regulate. You can respond instead of react. You can be more proactive instead of reacting to your kids' behavior. 

Start working towards our self-regulation and let's start loving ourselves. Let's start fulfilling our needs instead.