Three Common Phrases We Tell Our Children During A Meltdown

Children, as we know, go through a whirlwind of emotions. Sometimes they're so lovely and cuddly, but other times they’re so angry and frustrated that we don’t seem to know how to console or stop them from throwing a tantrum.  

And for us parents, we get frustrated too and end up saying the wrong things. The words we say end up hurting our children and can cause a huge impact on them growing up.

The Question is, how can you make your child listen or stop? To address this, I have observed in my ten years as a parent three common mistakes or phrases that created a disconnect between me and my kids during a tantrum. 

“Use Your Words”

These are three simple words we say to our children when we want them to express how they feel. We expect them to communicate to us and tell us why they’re throwing a tantrum. The thing is, they’re too young to articulate what they feel or they are not able to process what’s happening. And when tension rises, they feel more aggressive or frustrated. 

What do we need to do? We self-regulate. Bring yourself to the present and assure them that we’re there for them without having to control them. Be calm even when you don’t know what to do. Hold them if they want to be held, hug them if needed. Model the behavior, sometimes our actions speak louder than words. The mere fact that we’re there for them and showing empathy will calm them.

Asking Them Questions

Common questions we ask them are, What's wrong? What happened? Why are you acting this way? Why are you crying?

These questions have no value. We may have the best intentions in asking because we want to address their issues, but asking them so many questions will only add to their fury. Instead, we go back to the present. Be calm and give them space. Give them the space to express how they feel without influencing them or putting words into their mouth. Keep them safe, and just be there for them.

Saying Words To Shame Or Blame Them

Stop it right now! You're going to get consequences if you don't go to your room! Phrases all parents are guilty of. When we can’t find solutions, we end up getting mad and commanding them to stop. These are the moments when we’re overwhelmed and feel like we can’t handle the situation.

Again, these don’t do any good. It only hurts them and forces them to stop their emotions abruptly. It is important for them to process their emotions even if it means going through a meltdown. While it is our job to support and guide them through the process. 

Words Of Love, Not Words That Scar

All kids go through a meltdown. And sometimes it’s just too much for us to take. However, we have to remind ourselves to be mindful of our actions. We must remain calm and present. Our words can create a huge impact on our children, that is why we should make sure that what we say are words of love not words that can scar them. 

Let us empathize with them, be present, be calm, and just love them even in times when they’re not lovable. Be the parent you want your kids to become.

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