How Aiming For Perfection Hurts Our Children

Do you believe in the saying that says, “A diamond is a chunk of coal that did well under pressure?”. I used to believe that, I used to believe that perfection is everything, that perfection is the goal. And I used to believe that success is a result of perfection. Little did I realize that perfection is boring, but getting better is where all the fun is.

Similarly, with parenting, many of us parents expect perfection. Some parents view their children as extensions of themselves and these kids are the ones suffering. They are putting pressure on their kids to do good, to be the best and not make any mistakes. They hope that by pushing their children to succeed, they can heal their own wounds of failure.

In this episode, I would like to share with you why parenting shouldn’t aim for perfection. How this kind of parenting affects our children negatively and how we can still repair our relationship with our children.

The Mistakes Of Perfectionism

When we expect perfection or intervene every time our child makes a mistake, that affects their self esteem, their willingness to do something, and their resilient power. They don’t want to try and take risks because they know they’re going to be judged anyway, and the sad thing is this criticism or judgment comes from their own parents.

They don't want to be independent anymore, because they're afraid of failing. They're afraid of making mistakes. These are just some of the detrimental effects perfectionism has, and when pushed further they can even lead to more extreme results like suicide.

In a study published in 2013, it revealed that 70% of boys, aged 12 to 25, who took their own lives had placed an inordinate amount of pressure on themselves. they had some expectations from themselves, they had perfectionist pressure on them. And for children, that can start in their own homes.

What Can We Do?

What can we do to prevent these kinds of slip ups from destroying our kids' sense of self-worth? We need to encourage our child to strive for excellence and not perfection. We should learn to guide our children to learn from their mistakes instead. Don't focus on their characters, focus on their efforts, focus on the journey in the process, not the goal, not the result.

Parents who push too hard on perfection end up micromanaging and overstepping their boundaries. As a result, they risk their kids failing to learn how to bounce back from mistakes, how to be resilient, how to learn from their mistakes and move forward. In the long run, consequences are much worse than the mistakes themselves.

We really need to focus on the efforts, appreciate them. helping our kids be more resilient, so that they can bounce back from their mistakes. We need to help our children learn and grow from their mistakes. And we can do this by teaching them that it’s okay to make mistakes. What matters is how we overcome these mistakes and problems and how we learn from them.

Allow Your Kids To See You Fail

I allow my children to see me fail, because I want them to see that we’re only human and we make mistakes. But what I also want them to see is how I learn from my failure and how I make an effort to be better and not keep repeating the same mistakes again. It's okay to fail, and it's okay to make mistakes. It's about progress and not perfection.

Don't expect perfection from your child, don't intervene. Every time your child makes a mistake, let them learn. Let them be resilient. Our job as a parent is to support and guide our children through these mistakes, so they know that it's okay to fail and it's okay to learn from our mistakes.