What Do You Do When Your Child Throws A Tantrum?
Have you ever gone out in public and suddenly your child throws a massive meltdown?
As he kicks and screams, you feel eyes starting to stare at you. Your heart keeps on pounding and you start sweating. Does this sound familiar? Guess what, I’ve been there, my child had a meltdown in a library. Imagine where you have all the signs of keeping silent, then suddenly your child is just screaming, and everybody's just looking at you. Looks that say you do not know how to handle your child, or control him. I felt ashamed and embarrassed.
But then, what do you do about it? That's where consciousness comes. That's where modern parenting comes in. That's where conscious parenting comes.
In this episode, I would like to share with you how to appropriately respond in these situations. How conscious parenting can control not only your child but your own emotions and behavior.
The Wrong Response
When this happens, the most common response for parents is to bribe, threaten, or take away privileges. But does that work? They might work at that moment, in the short term. But does that really help you give a long term solution? Does that give you a guarantee that this will not happen next time? No, because this will keep happening.
This can give our kids the wrong message. For instance, when you bribe, they might think they can get away with it. That they can get chocolate or they can get whatever they want by throwing a tantrum or misbehaving in public.
What Can You Do?
Focus on their needs. When these tantrums happen, it is usually because of unmet needs, and sometimes it is because we have agendas that don't align with our kids at that moment. It could be because they’re feeling tired, hungry, or they want a toy. But how do we prevent this? By preparing them. Tell them beforehand what your agenda is to avoid these kinds of tantrums and meltdowns, because now we're preparing them for what to expect. And if it does happen that they are already in the middle of a meltdown, drop your agenda and focus on what your child needs first, take them away from the situation.
Prepare them to manage their expectations. As I have mentioned, preparing them can prevent future tantrums and meltdowns. For example with everyday routines, it is helpful to plan the night before the things you have to do the next morning to avoid unnecessary stress that can lead to tantrums. And so planning your mornings from waking your kids up, preparing their breakfast, preparing their things for school and just whatever else they need can save you the stress and prevent them from throwing a tantrum.
Learning to self-regulate. But during times when they’re already throwing a tantrum, learn to control your emotions and just self-regulate. Understand that if your child is having a meltdown, a certain behavior that has nothing to do with you as a parent, know that it has nothing to do with your parenting. So if you feel embarrassed and shamed by people judging you or criticizing you, know that it's not about you. You don't need to take anything personally. It's just a situation and it happens.
Choose You & Choose Your Child
It’s normal for these things to happen, and you learn from them. The tantrums and meltdowns, sometimes are what you need for you to practice self-regulation and to better prepare you the next time it happens.
Choose you and choose your child, self regulate, and focus on meeting your child's needs.