How can we raise a resilient, confident and happy child?

We all know that we all are different, we all are unique, including our children. Even though we're all connected through blood, we all possess different personalities. And due to that, we all deal with pain differently. It's when we recognize this, our perspective and empathy increases. Empathy and resilience are some of the skills and values that we need in our kids' lives, for them to be resilient, confident and happy in their life.

Imagine we were in the park with our kid, and then suddenly, he or she just trips and starts crying. Our response is we rush to their rescue. We take them into our arms, and we try to comfort them. And then after a while they're back on their feet again, and they're playing again. It seems like it's a normal thing for them, right? Our parenting instinct is always to avert any pain or failure because we don't want them to feel like they're losers or we don't want them to be deprived of something or feel that they lost. And so we just fulfill their wishes. 

In this episode, we are going to shift this a little towards conscious parenting. I'm going to share with you three ways to raise a resilient, confident and a happy kid.

First method: Modelling

We really need to allow our kids to struggle, create challenges and literally refuse to solve every problem for them. As long as there's no danger involved, let them deal with their own mess, let them go through the natural consequences, because this is how they're going to learn. We can be around them, but keep our cool, keep calm.

I’ll give you some practical steps that you can practice with your kids. 

Step 1: We need to examine our kids’ feelings during the challenging situations they get in.  We can examine their feelings and acknowledge the big emotions they’re going through, and make them feel heard and seen.

Step 2: We don't want to intervene all the time. As a parent we always want to step in and help them from this difficult situation, because we're so into our being a parent at that time letting them struggle a bit helps our kids to learn to solve their own problems.

Step 3: Audit our own behaviors. It's very important that we need to audit our own behavior because kids mirror what they see. Because of that we need to observe how we react or respond when they're in trouble or when we are going through a certain difficult situation. 

Step 4: Accept your own mistakes. I know it's hard but it's necessary. And I believe it's important for us parents to teach our kids that making mistakes is okay. It happens as long as we learn and see what can be done. 

Second method: Reflecting

I have a set of questions that I'm going to share with you to help you reflect. If your kids are old enough, you can help them get out of the situation with these questions:

Question 1: What is that one thing that you value more at this time?

Question 2: What is that one thing that you value less at this time?

Question 3: What have you learned from this situation?

Question 4: What is one positive thing that came up from the situation?

Question 5: What has negatively impacted you?

We don't want to teach our kids what to think, we want to teach them how to think. These are some of the questions that can help them to reflect on the difficult situation and then move forward.

Third method: Pausing

Too many compliments and appreciations messes up a child's expectations. When we compliment too many times for little things this actually gets our kids used to getting their feelings validated. So then they actually end up growing, and where they will depend on other people's validation and will then always seek positive feedback to feel valued by others. These praises and appreciation in return can actually harm our kids, more than benefiting them. We really need to pause.

I hope these ways will help you just as much as they have helped me to raise a resilient, confident and happy child, I also hope to have provided value for you as a parent to mirror the whole set of skills for your kids, because I believe that kids are great imitators, we really need to give a good set of values and virtues and skill sets for them to mirror us.

Do you want to learn more conscious parenting strategies? Follow me on instagram @risewithmital