Phrases To Use To Calm An Anxious Child
We all have heard this term, big feelings, big emotions. But, how do we do it? And what do we say to our children in those moments?
Last week, we talked about what to say to a child who is feeling angry. And today, I want to share some of the phrases that we can use with kids when they're feeling anxious. Also, I'm going to share the symptoms of anxiety and what that looks like with our children.
What Does It Look Like?
It could be that your child is finding it hard to concentrate or not sleeping. That could mean they are feeling anxiety, and they’re probably worried about something. Or it could also show up as they're not eating correctly and they're quickly getting angry or irritable.
There are different signals that a child might be anxious. But sometimes excitement could be mistaken as anxiety as well. And how the body responses could be the same. They could both show up as the same signs. That is why you have to be mindful not to label it as anxiety right away. Ask around about what's happening, what's coming up, and what is that thing that you're excited about or anxious about.
Let them identify their feelings. And don't put a label on it and don't diagnose right away. There's a difference when we say you are anxious from are you feeling anxious? When we say feeling anxious, that means we're identifying them. And when we're saying you are anxious, that means we're labeling them.
I Understand What You're Feeling And Know That It's Okay
It's okay not to be okay. It's okay to feel anxious and excited at the same time. Acknowledge and validate your child’s feelings. Acknowledge that what they’re going through is hard and assure them that you can do it together.
Tell Me More About It
How does it feel? What's happening? Pause, then give them a space to open up, give them a space to share what's going on. Chances are, you might not even need to say anything after that because saying it out loud might help them process it better.
You're Not Alone. We're In This Together
I'm here with you. You're safe and I love you. Again, acknowledging, validating, giving them the safety net, making sure that they feel safe, and letting them know that they are safe and you're with them.
Can You Draw It?
Some kids don't have words for it and they can't say it. But, what they can do is draw it. It's a good exercise because that way they can express their emotions. So they might draw sad faces, they might even scribble whatever comes out of them, and it might help them identify better.
How Can I Help?
Instead of telling them what to do, we can say, how can I help? Let them figure out, let them come up with a solution instead of telling them what to do, let's do it together.
Write Down A List Of Things That You Are Grateful For
This can help them break the pattern and focus on the negative that’s happening. You can let them write things such as the three people that they love? Or maybe their friends' names. This can help them break the pattern of that hamster wheel going in that negative pattern and be grateful. It can shift the frequency or the energy and it can help them pull out of the pattern.
Add A Play Element
Another thing that you can do is to add a playful element. For example, pretend you’re letting them blow a giant balloon. This is a mindful exercise where you are asking them to breathe first and then you blow out. This can also regulate the nervous system because when we're feeling anxious, our brain is either in freeze mode or flight or fight mode. When your nervous system is feeling attacked. You need to come in feeling calm and that will regulate your nervous system.
Conclusion
These are some of the phrases that I have used and have worked for us. It might not work for you and it might not work the first time but don't give up. As a parent, the most important thing that we can do is a model. Model by not giving up and that we can do it together.
So next time when your child is finding it hard and they're feeling anxious or they're feeling worried, whatever they're feeling, whatever they're going through, the first step is to help them identify it. Let's not label it, help them remember it, and then process it. Process it by supporting them, instead of telling them what to do.